Which is a late bee on a flower here in Stornoway, Scotland. Hope it brings some good cheer to John and Krissy.
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I
made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs
separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan
me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper.
The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't
dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend
home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe
said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It
seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I
can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I
tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay
on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom
asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this
recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as
when I left.
SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and
brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for
Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting
SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted
to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the
hamburger in the oven and set the controls for
roast. It still came out hamburger,much to
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I
can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom
into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise
him with chocolate moose.
A prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.....
Oh, Sacred Heart of Jesus, I have asked thee for many
favors but I plead for this one (insert your prayer).
Take it and place it in thy open, broken heart and when the
Eternal Father sees it, covered with the mantel of thy most precious blood, he will not refuse it for
it is not my prayer, but thine.
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
Naturally, the 'ground control' frequency went terribly silent until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
~ Joseph J. Mazzella ~
A friend wrote me the other day and told me that I sure do seem to have a lot of good days in my life. This friend wanted to know what is the difference between having a good day and having a bad day. I thought about it a long time and I think that I finally figured it out. The difference is about 15 minutes.
Think about it. Just how long does it take to really live the way that God always meant for you to live? How long does it take to say, "I love you God. Thank you for my life"? How long does it take to say a little prayer for someone you care about? How long does it take to tell a friend, "You are looking good today"? How long does it take to stop your child in the hallway and give them a hug? How long does it take to bend down and smell a flower as you walk down the street? How long does it take to scratch your cat’s chin or pet your dog’s head? How long does it take to share a warm smile and a heartfelt "thank you" with a cashier in a store? How long does it take to compliment a loved one, to share a laugh with a friend, and to think a joyous, optimistic thought? You can do all of these things and even more in just 15 minutes a day.
Is 15 minutes a day too long to turn your life around? Is 15 minutes a day too long to live a life full of love, joy, and oneness with God? Is 15 minutes a day too long to make this world a better and more Heavenly place? If you want to be doing good in your life then spend that 15 minutes a day "truly" doing some good in your life. If you want to be doing even better try 20, 30, or 60 minutes a day. If you do you will see how the power of your love can change the world moment by precious moment. If you do you will feel the love of God inside you and hear the laughter of angels surrounding you as you bless the world with your life. Who could ask any more for just 15 minutes a day?
~ Joseph J. Mazzella ~
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.
If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too.
In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
PS: Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.
I'm so very glad for the two of you that you are home and Ihope John keeps buidling his strength up. Won't it be a slenddid day when you and John can walk over and feed the ducks?! You're always in my thoughts are prayers even when you don't hear a peep form me. Hope to IM soon. Love, Deb (Sassy)
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!!
But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.
What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!!
So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ...
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"
~ Steve Goodier ~
Some people never need help. One man caught his foot in railroad tracks. He tried to pull it out, but his efforts only seemed to make matters worse.
He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. In a panic he prayed, "Dear God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop my heavy drinking and smoking!"
Nothing happened. He was still stuck, and the train showed no sign of slowing.
So he prayed again, "Oh, Lord, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking and smoking and carousing and cussing!"
Still nothing. He tugged and pulled as the train bore down. In sheer desperation, he pled for help a final time. "Lord, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll do anything! I'll ... I'll ... I'll become a minister!
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he got up and dusted himself off as the train whizzed by. Then he looked toward Heaven and said, "Never, mind, Lord, I got it out myself."
Some people seemingly never need help from anyone. They rarely call on friends or even family to lend a hand. They seldom, if ever, confide in a good listener. They seem to believe they should be completely self sufficient; that needing assistance is an unwelcome weakness.
But others find great value in occasionally asking for assistance, and in offering it, too. Needing help, even once in a while, reminds them that they were not meant to journey this life alone. It is a group outing, not a private experience.
Those who find help when they need it are fortunate. But those who give help generously are the most fortunate of all. Few experiences can produce a sense of joy and satisfaction like that of truly easing the burden of another human being, with no thought of return. Fact is... when we help someone else, we can hardly help but be happy. At those magical times we may wonder who really helped whom!
~ Steve Goodier ~
Sugar dumpling, I've really been worried about my baby girl. That's a bad sniffle and there's no telling about these things with all the strep that's going around. I'm going to put you in the hospital for a general check-up and a good rest. I know the food's terrible, but I'm going to bring you dinner every night from Rosini's. I've got it all arranged with the floor supervisor.
Listen, darling, I don't like the sound of that cough. I'm going to call Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl just for papa.
Maybe you'd better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you're feeling lousy. I'll bring you something. Have we got any canned soup?
Now look, dear, be sensible. After you've fed the kids and gotten the dishes done and the floor mopped, you'd better lie down for a while.
Why don't you take a couple of aspirins?
Try gargling or something instead of just sitting around barking like a seal all evening!
Would you stop coughing on me?!? Are you trying to give me pneumonia?!?
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
|Ever wonder what foods the Vikings ate when they set off to explore the new world? How Thomas Jefferson made his ice cream? What the pioneers cooked along the Oregon Trail? Who invented the potato chip...and why? Welcome to the Food Timeline.
Food history is full of fascinating lore and contradictory facts. Historians will tell you it is not possible to express this topic in exact timeline format. They are quite right. Everything we eat is the product of culinary evolution. On the other hand? It is possible to place both foods and recipes on a timeline based on print evidence and historic context.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting flies" He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."