From Pat

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

  When Krissy told me of John's diagnosis shortly after they received it, I was in shock as were all of you.  Even though I only know them thru the printed word I read here in the gazette I feel like I know Krissy and John.  That night Krissy and I got to know each other so much better.

  Jan. 3, 1992 I lost my dear husband Ralph to diabetes.  When he was told he had the disease I remember him telling the doctor if he had to give up ice cream we might as well start digging the grave.  He never really watched his diet or cared.  So different then our John.  I heard the doctors, but I was in the river in Egypt.  I figured they were going to get the problems under control and send him home.  His last year he was in the hospital more then he was home.  Even when the Doc. told me if I went home, he might not be here when I came back I didn't understand.

  I talked with the nephrologist as I we were told he needed dialysis as his kidneys had shut down.  The Doc. talked to us and Ralph said he wanted it.  The Doc. took me out in the hallway and said he would feel better if he were sure Ralph understood what was being said as he was not fully aware of what was going on.  The doc. said that there are some patients that are regrets ... he keeps them alive until the next thing shuts down. I said would Ralph be a regret and he said I am afraid so.  I said lets not do dialysis.  He said he thinks that is the right decision but if I changed my mind call him.  At 8 PM that night, less then 4 hours later Ralph went to prepare our room

  I go into this detail, in that I never took the time to prepare myself to accept the fact that Ralph could die.  I was in the river in Egypt (Denial) and never accepted the fact until it happen.  I never had time to prepare for it.  Ralph in a way prepared for it.

We were raised in a God Fearing age and I do mean God Fearing.  We were raised that God punished you if you didn't do things his way.  I remember him thinking that he did something really really bad that God was punishing him with his severe depression.  It was only after Ralph died and that I was in recovery and came to believe in a God of my understanding.  I wish Ralph had a God like mine or a God like John and Krissy's.  When we have faith we can work thru anything. 

John and Krissy will be fine, knowing that they have us to lean on.  John and Krissy, I am only and IM away.

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